Find Out: What Kind of Vegan Are You?
If you haven’t heard: veganism is on the rise.
In fact, reports are showing a 20% increase in vegan orders since 2015!
This is fantastic news for animals, mother nature, and all other earthlings that inhabit the planet.
That being said, before you take the plunge, make sure you know what kind of vegan you are going to be. There are several different types (but you can only pick one)!
Here are the 6 most common types of vegans, each-sub category is a little different:
The Foodie Vegan:
- Always eating
- Oreo’s are life
- Loves: “accidentally vegan” food
- Hates: diet-pushers
The Health Addict Vegan:
- Won’t eat non-organic produce
- Hates: junk-food vegans
- Cries when My Fitness Pal goes offline
- “You’re not vegan if you don’t eat organic”
The Gym-Rat Vegan:
- “Do you even lift, BRO!?”
- Loves: ripped tank-tops that show off his hairy nips, blender bottles
- Hates: skinny vegans, non-vegans, and carbs
The Instagram Vegan:
- Lives for Instagram-fame
- Doesn’t actually eat the food, just styles it for pictures
- Has 24k followers that think she is the “perfect vegan”
The Environmental Vegan:
- Doesn’t give a fuck about: animals
- Loves: yelling at other types of vegans
- Doesn’t drive a car
- Is only in it for climate change
The Ethical Vegan:
- “Figs aren’t vegan”
- “If you aren’t vegan for the animals, you’re not really vegan”
- Loves: protesting, yelling at omnivores, causing fights, and making people angry with the vegan community
So… What Kind of Vegan Are You?
The Foodie Vegan
The foodie vegan is one of the more common types of vegan found in the wild. Their natural habitat is the cookie aisle of the nearest grocery store… Where you can usually find them throwing a box of each vegan variety into their cart.
The Health Addict Vegan
Health-addict vegans are commonly found in the local yoga studio doing their 4th class of the day.
They are natural enemies to the junk-food vegan, as they work tirelessly to ban processed food.
Most importantly, the health-addict vegan believes that anyone who isn’t doing yoga is going to die a slow, painful death (and they’re okay with that, because they“told you so!”)
If you’ve ever been yelled at for not eating organic, chances are it was a Health Addict Vegan.
The Gym-Rat Vegan
A gym-rat vegan is exactly what it sounds like: a vegan who lives at the gym.
The gym-rat vegan is a natural enemy to the health-addict vegan, as they have wildly different views on health and exercise. They believe that if you aren’t sore 7 days a week, you aren’t living.
Similarly, they also hate junk-food and skinny vegans for giving the community a “bad image”.
The Instagram Vegan
The Instagram vegan is one of the more elusive types of vegan… If you do find one, chances are they’re perusing their iPhone, getting their hashtag game on point!
Next to Instagram, they live for online-fame. They spend hours creating the most beautiful smoothie bowls, just to throw them away when the picture is taken. It gives the Instagram vegan joy to make the vegan lifestyle look perfect and unobtainable.
“If you aren’t eating 104 different fruits in your smoothie bowl, it’s not good enough.”
These vegans may be #popular & #beautiful, but they’re also #wasteful as hell.
The Environmental Vegan
Now, by now we all know that going vegan saves the planet.
Unfortunately, simply being vegan is not enough for the environmental vegan.
They want you to:
- Donate your car
- Go zero-waste
- Stop showering
- Stop breathing
Also, don’t mention animal welfare around this type of vegan: they don’t care.
The Ethical Vegan
The last type of vegan is the most common of all. The ethical vegan is a natural enemy to all other types of vegans.
They believe that animal-welfare is all that matters in the vegan movement.
Most importantly, they don’t give a shit about:
- Your health
- The Planet
- The negative image they are creating for the community
If you’ve ever been yelled at for sneezing on an ant, chances are it was an Ethical vegan.
Let’s Agree to Just Be Vegan ❤️
If you couldn’t tell: I think this is all bullshit.
Are you familiar with the “divide and conquer” method?
The policy of maintaining control over one’s subordinates or subjects by encouraging dissent between them.
~ Divide and Conquer
This method of control makes it so everyone is busy fighting among themselves, eventually to the point where the movement is sabotaged from the inside.
Get what I’m trying to say?
Stop the division, we are all in this fight together!
Whether you are vegan for:
- The animals,
- The planet,
- Your conscious, or
We’re in this together, guys!